25 Years Ago Today

 

I simply cannot believe that 25 years have gone by and I still miss my father as much as the day he passed. I think it is more profound now because of how I wish he could see everything today. He would have harsh, but sensible, words to some and gloating words for others. 

                                                      My father at 10 years old with his father

I tell Thomas that Dad is ALWAYS watching over us though and knows/sees everything. Even though I selfishly wish he could be physically around to watch and admire, I do know he knows. I am at his age when he passed and I just cannot fathom leaving family behind. How it must feel when you know the life you know is about to end. 

                       My father while attending the Northern Conservatory of Music, in Bangor, Maine.

I think the greatest joy he would have if he was still with us is my son Thomas playing his violin. I can picture him now showing a wide smile that covers up an even wider delight. 

                                      My father as the chef at Howard Johnsons in Bangor, Maine

It was a vicious cycle that ended his life, as well as his fathers life at the same age. Now here I am at the same age but the one thing my father taught me wasn't learned until after his passing. It was alcohol, or the abuse of it I should say, that prevented him and my grandfather from enjoying a longer life. I saw what it did to him even from my childhood and how it prevented him from attaining any goals he had for himself. 

                                                    I never could beat him at arm wrestling.

He could have become one of the great violinists but booze prevented that. He could have become very successful in the food industry, but booze prevented that. He could have seen his grandson with the same musical objective, but booze took that away as well. 

                                                   My grandfather, playing violin in 1962

That is why I do not drink anymore, because that is what he would have wanted.....to break that nasty cycle. I never drank to excess as he or my grandfather did but when you are genetically engineered or susceptible to alcoholism, it is best to just leave it alone. Sure I can have a beer or glass of wine every now and again, but why?

 I teach Thomas the same thing. He knows booze is bad! I know some of you will say booze is not bad, but when you are the child of an alcoholic, you are much more prone to continuing that revolution. 

Dad, I love you and miss you with all my heart every single sober day.