We are STILL Bullying!

 I have been meaning to write a blog post about this for a very long time, which is a travesty to begin with because this behavior seems to be getting worse. I honestly thought that people were more aware now then in the past with regards to bullying, of any type and have learned some empathy. But because of all the drama that continues to unfold online on various social platforms as well as a daily 'news item' on unbecoming behaviors, my voice will have little to no impact. 

I remember the days when I was a child just barely older than my current youngest son and the trauma, humiliation and torment I went through being bullied. If I did not comply with the thoughts and demands from my "abusers"(for a lack of a better term for all those who bullied me), I would not only widely ridiculed but mocked and picked on even more. If the person bullying me told me to agree with them about something, I was persecuted even more. Only when I agreed that he/she was "the toughest" or to outwardly believe in whatever they said, was the persecution eased somewhat. But if I did meekly agree and say or do what they said, it would just bring bullying tactics by them even more frequently as well as a mob mentality. If another friend of the person who bullied me heard that I could be 'coerced' or 'frightened to agree with them', then that would bring yet another bullier to take advantage of me. 

The ONLY way I was able to crawl out from underneath that cloak of agony and suffering was to stand up for myself. I learned to box and the very moment I learned self defense(that is why I will always think of my trainer Cal Ware with adoration) the torment completely and utterly stopped. 

I never had to 'believe' in what others said or believed. I could disagree with their ideas and  actions without the fear of retribution of any kind. I wasn't called names anymore. I wasn't hassled in any respect because of my opinions or disagreements. I think when people knew that I wasn't going to stand for it anymore yet I STILL respected their ideology and opinions(no matter how absurd they were), I was treated with the same respect.

UNTIL........the time we are living in now. 

It is off the wall how people are hiding behind their keyboards now while they obliterate those who think differently. This is called RELATIONAL(or even cyber) BULLYING.  I have never seen the amount of bullying that is happening today before. You can argue the point that it is not considered bullying all you want, but the bottom line is that it is exactly that...bullying. I even have to shut off comments on my 13 year old sons youtube channel because actual adults will get on there and simply lambast him if he gets notes wrong, his tempo is different then theirs or a host of reasons. 

An example of which I recently encountered. Albeit slight and minimal, it goes to show the mindset of someone who disagrees with your point of view today. A couple days ago, I posted a question. Very innocent, but still JUST a question. I asked what the the fervor over the eclipse was because I though I was missing something I had no knowledge of. It was just not so important to me so I asked if there was something special that I was unaware of regarding the eclipse. I friend of mine, within a day, had posted on her timeline somthing to the effect of 'some people are so ill-informed and spend way too much time posting memes and spending hours a day online instead of educating themselves about the eclipse. In other words, I must have been "not very bright". I did not respond because I had a choice. Do I begin an argument and 'fight back' with words or do I easily just skip on by and unfriend her? Naturally I took the high road because I, alone, create the atmosphere in which I think. I can ask questions all day long if I so chose. So to ridicule someone for asking questions ....I don't need to harp on that triviality now do I?

I have been right down the middle when it comes to politics. There are obvious flaws in all parties and once in a while I will post a meme that pokes fun at both candidates. But I have NEVER bullied anyone to believe the way I do about anything. I have never resorted to name calling just because someone does not think the same way I do. I have never said someone is any nasty adjective because of who they vote for. I have never pressured someone to do or say something because that is what I want them to do. 

Is it because I was bullied for such a long time and realize how hurtful it is and the damage it causes? Is it because I learned that 2 rocks thrown at each other does not advance trajectory? Maybe. 

I tell my son so often(which should be a dead give-a-way of the times we are in) that "Not everyone has to believe the way you do nor do you need to believe the way they do." BUT, we don't mock, ridicule or bully those who think differently! Every single day he sees and hears adults act like schoolyard bullies or that the world revolves around them. Everyday he sees and hears people who try to force their beliefs on others. And if these "others" don't respond the way these people want, they are called names or tormented either online or in person.

There has been times when I have had to tell my son NOT to respond to someone who is saying nasty things. "Just walk away" as my father drilled into my head when I was his age. Sage advice. Stress kills and because I learned just how stressful, non-ending, non-resolving and non-learning these bullying tactics can be, it is simply best to remove yourself from the situation and "enjoy who you are!" Let everyone else be upset and mad their entire lives. 

And it is not just politics. If you live differently then others(your lifestyle choices) you should not be bullied either. This is called PREJUCIAL BULLYING. Live how YOU want to live.

But if you are tormented in any manner because of your lifestyle, simply walk away.... if you can. Speak to someone about what is happening. Do what you can to stay level headed and content with who you are. Those people who are bullying you have no right to try and change you to "their side" simply because they think they can dictate how YOU should live. But understand that the same principles extend to everyone. I could never call people names because they don't live my lifestyle.  I can honestly say I am your friend regardless of how you live your lifestyle and would not be mad at you because of it. Treat me with the same respect. 

We ALL need to respect each others decisions, not just one side. That is what created conflict and absolutely nothing will change or get better. You simply cannot legislate morality as much as we may want to. There will always be those who lash out, bully, torment in some fashion or disagree with you. There will always be people that are just plain mean, nasty, horrible or cruel. You honestly have to learn to be happy yourself. 

Sure bullying is just plain wrong! We can all agree on that! But it is still not illegal. We can all say it should be...absolutely! But it is not. So we need to take our own personal steps to keep it from ruining our lives in any manner. 

Do what you can to facilitate change but do it responsibly. 

I end my diatribe by acknowledging that there will be those who will disagree with me on how to handle certain obstacles. And that is perfectly fine! That is where conversation begins.