We are STILL Bullying!

 I have been meaning to write a blog post about this for a very long time, which is a travesty to begin with because this behavior seems to be getting worse. I honestly thought that people were more aware now then in the past with regards to bullying, of any type and have learned some empathy. But because of all the drama that continues to unfold online on various social platforms as well as a daily 'news item' on unbecoming behaviors, my voice will have little to no impact. 

I remember the days when I was a child just barely older than my current youngest son and the trauma, humiliation and torment I went through being bullied. If I did not comply with the thoughts and demands from my "abusers"(for a lack of a better term for all those who bullied me), I would not only widely ridiculed but mocked and picked on even more. If the person bullying me told me to agree with them about something, I was persecuted even more. Only when I agreed that he/she was "the toughest" or to outwardly believe in whatever they said, was the persecution eased somewhat. But if I did meekly agree and say or do what they said, it would just bring bullying tactics by them even more frequently as well as a mob mentality. If another friend of the person who bullied me heard that I could be 'coerced' or 'frightened to agree with them', then that would bring yet another bullier to take advantage of me. 

The ONLY way I was able to crawl out from underneath that cloak of agony and suffering was to stand up for myself. I learned to box and the very moment I learned self defense(that is why I will always think of my trainer Cal Ware with adoration) the torment completely and utterly stopped. 

I never had to 'believe' in what others said or believed. I could disagree with their ideas and  actions without the fear of retribution of any kind. I wasn't called names anymore. I wasn't hassled in any respect because of my opinions or disagreements. I think when people knew that I wasn't going to stand for it anymore yet I STILL respected their ideology and opinions(no matter how absurd they were), I was treated with the same respect.

UNTIL........the time we are living in now. 

It is off the wall how people are hiding behind their keyboards now while they obliterate those who think differently. This is called RELATIONAL(or even cyber) BULLYING.  I have never seen the amount of bullying that is happening today before. You can argue the point that it is not considered bullying all you want, but the bottom line is that it is exactly that...bullying. I even have to shut off comments on my 13 year old sons youtube channel because actual adults will get on there and simply lambast him if he gets notes wrong, his tempo is different then theirs or a host of reasons. 

An example of which I recently encountered. Albeit slight and minimal, it goes to show the mindset of someone who disagrees with your point of view today. A couple days ago, I posted a question. Very innocent, but still JUST a question. I asked what the the fervor over the eclipse was because I though I was missing something I had no knowledge of. It was just not so important to me so I asked if there was something special that I was unaware of regarding the eclipse. I friend of mine, within a day, had posted on her timeline somthing to the effect of 'some people are so ill-informed and spend way too much time posting memes and spending hours a day online instead of educating themselves about the eclipse. In other words, I must have been "not very bright". I did not respond because I had a choice. Do I begin an argument and 'fight back' with words or do I easily just skip on by and unfriend her? Naturally I took the high road because I, alone, create the atmosphere in which I think. I can ask questions all day long if I so chose. So to ridicule someone for asking questions ....I don't need to harp on that triviality now do I?

I have been right down the middle when it comes to politics. There are obvious flaws in all parties and once in a while I will post a meme that pokes fun at both candidates. But I have NEVER bullied anyone to believe the way I do about anything. I have never resorted to name calling just because someone does not think the same way I do. I have never said someone is any nasty adjective because of who they vote for. I have never pressured someone to do or say something because that is what I want them to do. 

Is it because I was bullied for such a long time and realize how hurtful it is and the damage it causes? Is it because I learned that 2 rocks thrown at each other does not advance trajectory? Maybe. 

I tell my son so often(which should be a dead give-a-way of the times we are in) that "Not everyone has to believe the way you do nor do you need to believe the way they do." BUT, we don't mock, ridicule or bully those who think differently! Every single day he sees and hears adults act like schoolyard bullies or that the world revolves around them. Everyday he sees and hears people who try to force their beliefs on others. And if these "others" don't respond the way these people want, they are called names or tormented either online or in person.

There has been times when I have had to tell my son NOT to respond to someone who is saying nasty things. "Just walk away" as my father drilled into my head when I was his age. Sage advice. Stress kills and because I learned just how stressful, non-ending, non-resolving and non-learning these bullying tactics can be, it is simply best to remove yourself from the situation and "enjoy who you are!" Let everyone else be upset and mad their entire lives. 

And it is not just politics. If you live differently then others(your lifestyle choices) you should not be bullied either. This is called PREJUCIAL BULLYING. Live how YOU want to live.

But if you are tormented in any manner because of your lifestyle, simply walk away.... if you can. Speak to someone about what is happening. Do what you can to stay level headed and content with who you are. Those people who are bullying you have no right to try and change you to "their side" simply because they think they can dictate how YOU should live. But understand that the same principles extend to everyone. I could never call people names because they don't live my lifestyle.  I can honestly say I am your friend regardless of how you live your lifestyle and would not be mad at you because of it. Treat me with the same respect. 

We ALL need to respect each others decisions, not just one side. That is what created conflict and absolutely nothing will change or get better. You simply cannot legislate morality as much as we may want to. There will always be those who lash out, bully, torment in some fashion or disagree with you. There will always be people that are just plain mean, nasty, horrible or cruel. You honestly have to learn to be happy yourself. 

Sure bullying is just plain wrong! We can all agree on that! But it is still not illegal. We can all say it should be...absolutely! But it is not. So we need to take our own personal steps to keep it from ruining our lives in any manner. 

Do what you can to facilitate change but do it responsibly. 

I end my diatribe by acknowledging that there will be those who will disagree with me on how to handle certain obstacles. And that is perfectly fine! That is where conversation begins. 

5 Months Without A Post

 I have never gone this long without posting something and the guilt finally caught up with me.  Even though I should be out in the woods getting next years wood cut, deep cleaning the entire house as I do every year(usually right after Christmas though) and painting what needs to be painted around the house, I opted to spend most of my free time with my son Thomas in his quest to become the best violinist in the world....at least in Maine to start. 

His work load is incredible but he never complains. I think because he would get bored practicing simply 1 or 2 pieces over and over again. Plus add onto that, his homework in which he needs constant help with and the fact that I have spoiled him with regards to practice. He has never practiced by himself, I have always been there right next to him to help him with his mistakes. Granted, he gets upset with me a lot because I will have him repeat certain bars over and over again or continuously make sure his pinky is down, his knuckles are flexible in his bowing hand and he sits up correctly but honestly, he would not have it any other way nor would I.

Over the past few months of my hiatus from this blog, Thomas has taken over the concert master position with the Bangor Symphony Youth Orchestra Prelude division. We think this may be his last season with the prelude because at the same time he is playing with the prelude, his teacher and conductor(one and the same lady)has placed him with the "big kids" Philharmonic orchestra. As kind of a send off from the prelude, he is going to be playing his very first "professional" solo in April with the orchestra back up. He is so excited. He has also been selected to have a master class with the Bangor Symphony Orchestra's concert master in April as well as being invited to perform at the BSO's Soiree, I believe sometime in April as well. This is their biggest fund raising event and includes some of the most prestigious violinists all joining in to raise money for the BSO.

Thomas is also getting ready for another competition in April at the Bay Chamber Music School in April. His teacher hasn't decided which piece to play with Meditation by Massanet. It will either be the 3d movement of Summer by Vivaldi or the first movement of Winter, also by Vivaldi, his favorite composer. 

I urge you to subscribe to his youtube channel because it means a lot to him to see his subs climbing, however slow it does. It is uplifting for him and gives him a sense of purpose. I can see every now and again, he is not as dedicated or enthusiastic playing the violin, but that happens to most of us at one time or another. It doesn't help that from the very first day of his Christmas vacation from school, around the 20th of December, until this morning, he has been sick. He had a bout with covid and then I think he had some type of RSV, progressing to an ear infection. He is still having wicked difficulty in hearing, can't taste food still and his sense of smell is negligible. Poor kid.

One of his highlights this past half year was having his great great aunt Marion watch him play as concert master for the very first time. He was so excited. She is 96 years young and simply adores Thomas, and the feeling is quite mutual. He played a concert at the home she resides in and was given a very hot reception after. He nailed it and you should have seen how proud his aunt Marion was, as I was as well. We are hoping she will attend his very first solo in a couple months as well.

 He was equally excited to have his "pretty"(his own words, LOL)cousin Sage attend along with his cousin Carole, who has been so supportive of Thomas since day one. 

Below find his youtube channel. We turned off comments because, as everyone know by now, there are always bad apples in the barrel and even adults can't stop themselves from being rude. We don't mind criticism, but many adults have taken it wayyyyy over the top, which is so childish. I could NEVER in a million years degrade a child for any reason.

                                             https://www.youtube.com/@6thgenviolinist383

Just a short of Thomas warming up...Not bad for under 4 years of playing I must say.

The Charleston International Music Competition

I wanted to share a brief post and link to a very special young man. My son Thomas, who is 12 years old, has made the final cut of of this worldwide music competition. He is one out of about 150 who made it this far and the only one from New England. 

I would like to ask that you click on the link and just listen for 30 seconds at least. He is crazy talented and the hardest working young violinist I have ever heard. So take a moment and give him the gift of you like or view. It would mean the world to him. 

Thank you in advance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjiHne619c8&list=PLgdkUhRgoAHqYhTIWWQiQyhQt4W6s0Zuz&index=80

Darned if you do....darned if you don't!

 My 12 year old son Thomas has been playing the violin now for a little over 3 years and he has a particular knack for this instrument, as any of my children would have had if they would have picked it up and given it a chance. No doubt each of them would have excelled as well and fast as Thomas is. Although this is a gift, it also leads to a dilemma that I truly believe is not of our making.

Here is my favorite picture of Thomas(holding the violin) and others who accompanied him to the Pine Tree Competition in 2023. Sascha Lorimer(the lady to his right)and Rob Lorimer(the gentleman in the blue shirt) have been and continue to be instrumental in his violin endeavors. Sascha is not only his maestro in the orchestra but is a profound mentor to him privately as well. Her husband, Rob, is also a dedicated fan and supporter of Thomas in ways that he will never understand. 

Now don't get me wrong, I believe positive reinforcement is key to a childs growth and self worth. For example, if a child, and I mean a youngster under the age of around 14-15, plays for any sports team they should be given play time equal to all the other children regardless of their experience or affinity to the game. Good sportsmanship medals or recognition is a great way to encourage youngsters to continue with their dreams and allows them to believe they have a chance at greatness. Any recognition at all is a great boost to moral, plain and simple.

And then we have the cases of gifted children. No, this is not coming from a biased parent or a misplaced sense of grandiose. Thomas is truly gifted as his a 14 year old friend of his who excels at the cello. Each has an uphill struggle for identification and their place. Sure, Thomas has a great chance at being first chair in the Bangor Symphony Youth Orchestra this season but he is constantly playing in quartets, chamber groups and his schools band that include children who are far below his level of playing. Some music teachers will say that it helps the other students with their playing and I do agree to a point. Thomas has helped others with their violin playing many times over and has endured playing with children less advanced than he is for 2 years now but now it is time for him to stop up and truly be challenged. He needs to be with older children that can now "teach" him or be his inspiration. 

What could possibly be the reason for certain music school directors, teachers, conductors, mentors and others "in the lead" to NOT place him in such a group? Are they afraid of singling out one student over the other? And are they trying to put all violinists of his age together, regardless of skill? To me, this is wrong on so many levels. Thomas could easily play with teens, even advanced teens but he has not been given the opportunity. This is problematic because it keeps him down, which is extraordinarily unfair and detrimental to his growth as a musician. 

"We didn't know of his skill" could be one answer if I were to ask this question. To me, I believe this is an excuse because there is only one way of determining a child's skill(as in any sports team)  and that is to listen to them play a variety of pieces that show his musicality, much as a try-out for a sports team. If Thomas were to go up to the coach of a football team, after having been sitting on the bench, and ask him why he isn't playing and not to have been given a chance to show the coach what he can and cannot do, and ask "Why can't I play?", what would be the wise answer? The coach should be drilling the child to see his skillset. The same goes for playing the violin. A teacher or coach should make determinations based on observation and intelligent dissemination of that childs skills, NOT on age alone. 

So here we have Thomas and his cellist friend who are consistently playing music far below their level simply because of their age rather than their skills. There is NOTHING in this type of judgement that enables someone to grow....period!

There, I am done ranting and would love to hear from any of your parents that are in the same boat.  

 

A Few Of My Summer Favorites

 Yankee Chinese Red Spareribs

This will be you favorite recipe during this summer when you have an urge to cook some Chinese-style spareribs. Honestly, you will never order out again, they are that good! Althouh the glaze/marinade is thick, it is the perfect consistency not only to marinate the ribs, but to keep as a slathering glaze and for dipping as well.

1/2 cup maple syrup

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup soy sauce

1 teaspoon Chinese 5 spice

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

15 drops(about 1/4 teaspoon)red food coloring

2 tablespoons vinegar(see NOTE)

1/2 teaspoon celery seed, optional

2 pounds boneless, country-style pork spareribs

In a large bowl, whisk together first 8 ingredients; set aside. Cut spareribs in half from top to bottom, making each half as thick. Place in a shallow container in a single layer and pour bowl of sauce over the top, making sure each rib is fully covered. Refrigerate at least 24 hours and as long as 2 days for an intense flavor.

After removing the ribs from the marinade, transfer to a sauce pan and bring to a boil. Once boiling, remove from heat, cover and serve alongside the ribs for dipping.

Preheat only one half of an outdoor grill on high. Place ribs on the grate that is NOT over the flame. Close top and indirectly cook ribs for about 10 minutes before flipping over to continue cooking until completely done. 

If you want to cook these on the stove top, simply add 3 tablespoons oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add ribs, in a single layer, and cook for about 10 minutes per side, until thoroughly cooked. 

NOTE: Because this is a Yankee recipe, of course I use apple cider vinegar. It imparts a fantastic flavor, but use rice wine vinegar if desired. If you would like, add a 1/4 cup hoisin sauce as well, but it really isn't needed. Honey can also be a great substitution for maple syrup. 

Country Kitchen Potato Salad with Crabmeat 

 

I remember so well one of my parents first restaurants in Maine. It was the Canaan Country Kitchen. It was here that I first learned his recipe for cole slaw dressing that I have never had since. So what a perfect marriage, combining cole slaw, great dressing, some crunchy vegetables and crabmeat. Think about it for a moment......done? Now go make it!

Country Kitchen Dressing:

1 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing

1/2 cup buttermilk

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

1 tablespoon sugar

2 teaspoons prepared horseradish

1 teaspoon each lemon pepper and Old Bay Seasoning

Salt and black pepper to taste

Salad:

4 cups cooked, cubed potatoes

2 cups cole slaw mix

1/2 cup cooked, whole kernel corn

1/2 cup minced cucumber

4 ounces cooked crabmeat *

Whisk together Country Kitchen Dressing ingredients until smooth; set aside. 

In a large bowl, add all salad ingredients, tossing to combine. Fold in the dressing to the potatoes well. Cover and refrigerate at least 1 hour before serving.

* Your choice of crabmeat will be just fine, including canned(but drained well), freshly cooked and chopped or even imitation that has been chopped. 

Picnic Seafood Pasta Salad   

Who doesn't invariably have leftover lasagna noodles in the cupboard? I do constantly! So rather than looking at them every single time I open the door, I cooked them up for this refreshing, cool and great tasting seafood salad. Nothing fancy, high-end, gourmet or even expensive. Just good ol' eatin'!

4-6 large shrimp, peeled and deveined

1 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing

1 cup plain yogurt or sour cream

2 tablespoons honey

1 tablespoon lemon or lime juice

2 lasagna sheets, cooked, rinsed and cooled *

3-4 ounces cooked crabmeat

1 cup frozen California mix vegetables, thawed

1/2 cup chopped, fresh cilantro

Cook shrimp in any manner desired. I simply boiled them for 2 minutes before cooling. Slice shrimp in half to form two identical halves, as seen in image; set aside. 

Cut lasagna noodles into thin strips, either from end to end or side to side; set aside.

In a large bowl, mix mayonnaise, yogurt, honey and lemon juice. Toss in the pasta, shrimp, crabmeat, vegetables and cilantro, blending very well. Serve cold. 

Enough for 2-4 servings

Escabeche   

The Spanish answer to Ceviche, but cooked. Like ceviche, this "pickled" fish dish is enjoyed during the summer months(see NOTE). A refreshingly light and delicious broth that is just as vibrant as the dish itself, but Yanked ™!. I also cut way back on the amount of olive oil traditionally used in Escabeche, substituting more broth for a fully flavor.

1 pound firm, white fish of your choice

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

1 each green, yellow and red bell peppers, julienned

1 small onion, diced

1 habanero pepper, seeded and minced

2 cups vegetable broth

1/2 cup white wine vinegar *

1 tablespoon chopped, fresh basil(or 1 teaspoon dried)

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1/4  teaspoon dried ginger

Pinch allspice, optional

Salt and black pepper to taste

Cut fish into bite-sized pieces; set aside. In a large skillet, add olive oil over medium heat. When hot, add bell peppers, onion and habanero pepper. Stir to combine and cook until all vegetables are crisp tender, about 5 minutes. 

Stir in the broth, vinegar and all spices as well as the basil. Lay the fish pieces on top, cover, reduce heat to low and simmer until the fish is cooked through. Remove cover to serve hot.

NOTE: Classically, the fish in Escabeche is breaded and only cooked about half way before adding to the remainder of ingredients before being refrigerated overnight so that the fish finishes cooking in the acidic marinade. It is then served either cold or at room temperature. If desired, chill the soup completely before serving with crusty bread.

* I think white wine vinegar is phenomenal in this recipe, but use your favorite.

If he would have only listened....

 .....to me that summer morning at Canaan Country Kitchen, Dad would have turned 85 today. I will never forget that few moments on a Saturday morning in Canaan. I remember it so well because to the rest of my siblings at the time, my fathers drinking was just an every day occurrence and it became a typical visual whenever we would go see Dad next door at the restaurant.

I remember it was about mid morning or so because it was just starting to get warm out and I was taking a break from helping Dad in the kitchen. He told me to go take a break and if I wanted, I could go to the take out window and he would scoop me some ice cream in a cone. On my way out, 2 men walked in(even though we weren't open at the time)and said hi to me as we passed one another. I knew who these men were and they were very friendly to me...always had been. There names were Harold and David. I knew them not only because they came to visit Dad frequently, but they would bring him in a pint bottle of vodka a couple times a week. But for some reason, this one morning it just rubbed me the wrong way. 

Anyway, I stood at the take out window for a few minutes and waited for Dad to come and give me my ice cream cone(I was about 12 or 13). He didn't come over so I put my hands up to the winder to shade the sun and looked in. I saw Dad and his 2 friends in the kitchen tipping up that bottle, each sharing a swig. This was the first time that I remember being upset. I started crying as I stood away from the window.

I remember turning around and just looking out onto the street out front, wicked upset. I wanted to say something to him so bad. I wanted my father to just stop drinking!!! As I am writing this, I am getting angry at him for drinking, but I also feel that lump in my throat at the same time. Angry and upset, at the same time. Not often that happens I must say.

I then turned around and decided to pound on the window to get his attention. I was going to have to go back in the kitchen to help Dad in short order and I wanted my ice cream. I pounded, he looked over at me and then just turned around and began swigging, joking and chatting with his friends. I didn't want to pound again cause he had an awful temper. Not a temper where he would physically hurt me or even yell at me, but the kind of look that would quickly "put me in my place".

To heck with it, I started crying and I mean sobbing crying. I decided I wanted more than an ice cream at that point. I put my hands up on the window again to shade my face as I put my nose right onto the glass. I, very gently, knocked one more time. He turned to me and walked over. He opened the sliding glass window and with the most stern face I remember he just stared at me with his pursed lips. I knew that meant he was angry but I didn't care. 

"Dad, will you please stop drinking?" I actually asked him that while very audibly crying. I honestly thought he was going to get mad but he didn't. His face turned to a more loving look and he replied "We will talk about it later." I said okay, wiped my cheeks and he dipped into the ice cream freezer and scooped some ice cream into a cone. After handing it to me, he just stood there and looked at me. I remember me telling him that I loved him and he almost...almost....nodded his agreement. I could tell, even though he didn't acknowledge it, that he loved me too.

He never did stop drinking and I soon forgot all about what had happened after Dave and Harold left. I went back to work and all I remember is him being so nice to me for the rest of the day. But he didn't bring that little conversation up again.

To this day, that was the most upsetting time of my life...right next to the day he passed away in the ICU room when it was just him and I together.

Today he would have been 85 years old.....and still alive if he had just listened to me. Boy I hate you Dad for not listening to me, and I love you more than anything. 

\

A 6th Generation Violinist

 Sure , parents brag about their child all the time and I am no different, but I truly do not embellish. Thomas is America's ONLY 6th generation violinist!

 If I say my youngest son Thomas does not swear(even behind my back or while hanging out with his friends), I truly mean it! 

When I tell family members that all kinds of people will come up to me to let me know how polite and friendly Thomas is, they really do!

When I mention that Thomas does not bully or ridicule others, he honestly is that kind of young man.

Thomas also buys children bicycles every summer as well as Thanksgiving and Christmas meals for parents who are down on their luck. He even paid off lunch debts from children whose parents fell into arrears on their bill. Paid every cent of outstanding bills!!!!

Now I am hearing from many adult, professional musicians and those in the world of strings that Thomas is gifted and a natural talent on the violin, not only am I telling the truth, but he is quite literally the best 11 year old on the violin with only 3 years practice I have ever heard....well besides some prodigies I see on social media. 

I have been teaching Thomas for this duration and just recently gave some of my teaching up to a very skilled violinist named Sascha Lorimer of Bangor, Maine, albeit it begrudgingly. But he is continuing to excel and I could not be happier.

Thomas has attended the Bay Chamber Music Schools Envision Program in Rockport, Maine, belongs to his schools band(a very meager ensemble of mostly wind instruments and a few violinists who are miles behind Thomas in relation to experience. He hated to go to it last year but after being informed by his music teacher at the school that Thomases presence is helping the other kids, he does it.

He is a second season, first violin member of the Bangor Symphony Youth Orchestra, starting in the third row and now the assistant principal while filling in for the first chair. 

He will be attending Kneisel Hall Chamber program this summer.

He is entering the Pine Tree Competition at Orono, Maine in a few short weeks playing Czardas, Schindler's List and Arioso.

He is competing in the Glen Jenks and Elsie Bixler competition in Rockport as well.

So as you can see, he stays busy and loves to be competitive. On the other hand, his love of baseball is first on his list ever simmer, being a great pitcher. 

 He began his own youtube channel, and while we do not click-bait or over dramatize the video titles, he finds enjoyment from the few subscribers and likes that he has garnered so far. 

I admit, the videos are not for everyone because they tend to be boring to those who do not enjoy the violin. But I am writing this post to see if I can drum up more support for him on this channel. 

So I guess, in short, what I am asking is for anyone who would visit his channel to either subscribe or like any of his videos, I and Thomas especially would appreciate it. Just the simple things like that makes all the difference in the world to a child.  And the one drawback we have is that we live here in Maine. Although we love this state, it offers very little in the way of publicity or renown. Heck, most people don't even know where Maine is. As for competitions, he can win state competitions but there is no chance at all to advance outside of Maine, which is not only frustrating, but it doesn't give him any hope for long term happiness. 

So I will ask once again, please like or subscribe to his channel if you would. It would mean the world to him and I cannot thank you enough.

https://www.youtube.com/@6thgenviolinist383